


Apricity

by heartbreakwarfare



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Emotional Constipation, F/M, Levi is Bad At Feelings (Shingeki no Kyojin), Levi is a Little Shit (Shingeki no Kyojin), they both suck at feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:48:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28203390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartbreakwarfare/pseuds/heartbreakwarfare
Summary: The 57th expedition has failed miserably. Levi is forced to reform the Special Operations Squad with the surviving members of the 104th Training Corps, along with an additional member at the recommendation of Commander Erwin. Who exactly is this new cadet? What are her motives; and why does she seem to get under Levi's skin so easily?
Relationships: Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi/Reader, Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager
Comments: 22
Kudos: 205





	1. Humanities Strongest

The Special Operations Squad were considered to be the best soldiers the Survey Corps had to offer, known for their effortlessly coordinated skill, and better yet, had been hand-picked by none other than Levi himself. 

Perhaps that had been why no one had quite prepared themselves for the abysmal outcome that awaited them at the completion of their latest mission. 

The 57th expedition had been a complete failure, the mission having cost the lives of countless soldiers, and this time around, even the Special Operations Squad had been no exception to casualty. Eld, Oluo, Petra, and Gunther had given their lives for the sake of protecting Eren against the ruthless onslaught of the female titan. 

Each and every one of them, snuffed out in the blink of an eye, despite their skill as seasoned veterans. 

As Captain, it was Levi’s duty to select the next set of team members that would serve as their replacement, but with morale as low as it currently was, he wasn’t optimistic there would be soldiers lining up to take their place. 

Oddly enough, that’s exactly what happens. 

Perhaps their decision stemmed from the history they all shared, after surviving the massacre in Trost five years ago, or the familial bond of having endured so many months of rigorous training together. Regardless of the cause, the surviving soldiers of the 104th Cadet Corps had voluntarily stepped forward to enlist themselves as the new members of the Special Operations Squad. 

Every single one of them had graduated in the top ten of their class, and therefore, Levi sees no reason to refuse the prospect of having such a promising team under his command. 

With a squadron already significantly larger than his former, it strikes him as odd that Commander Erwin urges him to consider another applicant on the basis of a personal recommendation, which as his superior, meant he had no real right to refuse. 

While that’s all fine and dandy, what he can’t quite fathom is why Commander Erwin had chosen a run-of-the-mill _ thief _ such as yourself as his selection.

Your file tells him what little there is to know about you, and needless to say, he isn't impressed. 

You’d lost your family at an incredibly young age, when titans had first started to appear, massacring entire civilizations in their wake, leaving you and countless others orphaned.

Orphanages were unprepared for the sudden influx of children, ultimately forcing them to leave the vast majority of them abandoned and left to fend for themselves. 

Likely uneducated, and with no noteworthy skills, you’d taken to thievery as a means to survive.

Your past isn’t much different than his own, except he’d taken it upon himself to commit his skills to betterment of humanity once he was old enough, whereas you'd only joined the Survey Corps in lieu of corporal punishment. 

In layman’s terms, you had opted for serving the military to pay for your crimes, instead of rotting away in a cell for the rest of your life.

Could someone like you really be trusted with the value of protecting humanity?

Or protecting your comrades?

Or Eren, who very well could be humanity's last hope in gaining the upper-hand against the titans? 

Tucking the documents back into the designated folder, he makes his way to the kitchen where the rest of the group is starting to prepare dinner.

At the sound of the folder being placed on the table (admittedly a little more roughly than he'd intended) the group startles, immediately drawing their arms to their chest in salute when they notice it’s their Captain. 

"At ease," Levi states in his usual monotone, gesturing towards the folder on the tabletop. 

"Commander Erwin has deemed it appropriate to enlist another individual into our ranks. I want you all to review her file and treat her accordingly. Until she has proven herself to be our ally, I urge you all to heir on the side of caution. And under no circumstance, is she to be left alone with Eren. Is that clear?" 

A chorus of ‘sir, yes sir’ echoes back at him, and he grunts his own acknowledgment, perching himself against the wall, waiting to observe their reactions. 

Mikasa, Erwen, Armin, Jean, Sasha, Connie, and Krista all read over the papers collectively, the vast majority of them in agreement with his orders, while a select few held their share of skepticism.

"She's an orphan, just like the rest of us." Armin defends, referring of course to Mikasa and Eren. "She might’ve resorted to stealing to get by… but that doesn't necessarily mean she's a bad person." 

"I get it, Arwin. But at the end of the day, a thief is still a thief. Ain't no excuse." Jean sighs, brows furrowed in evident confliction.

"Think whatever you want, just don't let her near Eren." Mikasa reiterates, earning a collective nod of agreement from the group. 

A series of three soft knocks on the door signals your arrival, and the group quickly falls silent in their deliberations as Levi collects the file, tucking it under his arm. 

“ _ Enter _ .” He commands, leveling the group with one final stare as the door slowly opens just enough to allow the new arrival to slip inside, shutting it behind you with a resounding thunk. 

For a moment, the room falls silent, the group unable to do much else but stare, uncertain what to make of you.

Levi’s eyes narrow, his lips pressing into an even deeper scowl if that were even possible, as he too, takes a moment to study your appearance.

You’re slightly shorter, if not as tall as he is, which shouldn’t come as much of a surprise, wearing a khaki colored cloak that’s tattered and worn, concealing the rest of your clothing underneath except for an equally tattered pair of boots on your feet. 

It’s not your disheveled state of dress that’s given him pause, but your vacant expression, and the equally unsettling emptiness in your eyes. 

There were dark circles underneath them, and a noticeable prominence to your cheekbones, the sickly pallor of your skin making it abundantly clear that you were both underweight and malnourished. 

It’s almost enough to make him feel the slightest bit sympathetic.  _ Almost. _

“Are you going to just stand there, or are you going to introduce yourself properly?” He snaps, the sharpness of his tone startling the rest of the cadets out of their shell shocked stupors, whereas you don’t so much as seem to flinch, your gaze shifting to meet his own.

You stand straight, crossing an over your chest in a proper salute.

“Renfri Caius, of the 105th Training Squad.” You state, your tone expectantly devoid of emotion, but at least he wouldn’t be subjected to yet another boisterous female in his ranks, such as Sasha or Hange. “It’s an honor to be joining your team, Captain Levi.” 

_ Oh, he highly doubts that. _

He acknowledges you with a nod, while the others hurriedly begin introducing themselves in kind until he interjects. 

“Back to work all of you; there will be plenty of time to get acquainted later.” He orders, sending the group scrambling to resume their kitchen duties. 

“ _ You,”  _ He says, his gaze firmly locked with your own, leaving no question to whom he was referring. “Come with me.”

With a nod, you follow him out of the kitchen and down the hallway to his office. 

He rounds his desk, and with a sigh settles into his chair. Wisely, you make no attempt to sit until he beckons you to do so, gesturing to one of the chairs on the other side of the desk.

“Sit.” And so you do, perching uncomfortably at the edge of the seat, posture impeccably straight and poised, causing an unconscious hum of approval to slip past his lips. 

You seemed to comprehend basic etiquette, at least. 

Wordlessly, he places the folder on the desk, opening it to reveal its contents before sliding it towards you. 

“I presume you know what this is?” 

Briefly, your gaze flits towards the object in question, but your expression remains unchanged, and it suddenly occurs to him that given your background, it’s entirely plausible that you’re illiterate. 

“My record,” You respond dryly, and after a brief pause, tack on a strained, ‘sir’. 

Levi’s lips almost turn up into a smirk, which he promptly hides by setting his chin atop his interlocked hands as he rests his arms on the desk, leaning forward in his chair. 

“I don’t know why the Commander would send the likes of you to join my team, but mark my words, if I catch even the slightest hint of insubordination from you, or at any point do you fail to meet my expectations, I won’t hesitate to send you back to jail with your tail tucked between your legs.” 

You nod again, not anticipating him to expect a verbal response until he raises a brow at you, steel grey eyes narrowing further, indicating that, yes, he was indeed awaiting a reply. 

“Yes, sir.” 

“ _ Good _ .” He nods, gesturing towards the door. “You’re dismissed. Sasha will show you to your room after dinner; try to make yourself useful in the meantime.” 

“Yes, sir.” You repeat, giving a brief salute as you rise from your seat before trailing out into the hallway, presumably to head back to the kitchen. 

_ “Tch,”  _ He scoffs, pinching his brow in frustration. 

What exactly was the Commander playing at?


	2. Special Operations Squad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's your reader's POV chapter. Hope you all enjoy!

Being unwanted is nothing new for you. 

It’s clear that Captain Levi doesn’t want you amongst his ranks, and to be frank, it isn’t as though you want to be here either. 

It’s a bit hypocritical that your new Captain looks down on you as if you aren’t even fit to lick his boots, when the very same man regarded as ‘Humanity’s Strongest’ had come from a less than stellar background himself. 

Did you really deserve to be viewed as that much of a lesser person, just because you hadn’t voluntarily enlisted into the Survey Corps the moment you’d come of age?

Why should you want to give your life to defend the same people that turned a blind eye to your suffering? The same people that sneered and looked down on you for doing what you needed to do to survive? 

You make sure to step on a displaced floorboard as you draw near the entryway to the kitchen, deliberately letting it creak under the weight of your foot to inform the other cadets of your presence.

A necessary trait in your old profession, you’d long since mastered the art of entering or leaving a room without so much as a sound, but sneaking up on a group as touchy as this bunch didn’t seem like such a good idea at the moment. 

Almost immediately, seven pairs of eyes land on you again, each with varying degrees of wariness and suspicion.

You’d known from the moment you first walked in that they’d read your file, but to be fair, you’d done your best to learn what little you could about them before you’d gotten here as well. 

The dark haired girl standing beside the human titan boy, Eren, must be Mikasa, if not simply due to the fact that she looks about ready to brandish a kitchen knife at you, should you try anything funny. 

Which is odd, because rumor had it that they’d been raised together as adoptive-siblings, and the vibe you’re getting from Mikasa seems to be something far beyond that of a protective sibling. 

Love is love, and far be it for you to stand in someone’s way, but you have to draw the line somewhere, right? 

The blonde hovering anxiously near the pair must be Armin, the boy who was well-known for being a prodigy on paper but lacking in confidence in the field. 

In his defense, you've yet to travel outside the walls or come face to face with a Titan directly, so you haven't any right to judge him. 

“Can I help with anything?” You ask, attempting to break the awkward silence since it was obvious that no one else was going to. 

The brunette on your right eagerly launches to her feet, clumsily tripping over the stool she’d been sitting on in the process. 

“You can help me! I’ll never get these done by myself.” She states eagerly, waving her arm exaggeratedly towards the large sack of potatoes at her feet. 

“Nice to meet you, I’m Sasha.” She chirps with a lopsided grin, taking your hand and shaking it vigorously. “Mind helping me with these potatoes?” 

It’s quite obvious but her bubbly demeanor that the brunette doesn’t have a mean bone in her body, so you muster the most polite hint of a smile you can manage, and readily agree. 

“Sure.” You nod, throwing your hair into a quick braid so that it won’t get in the way, washing your hands before setting to work beside Sasha. 

Looking into the buckets, you notice that the vast majority of the potatoes she’d already prepared were a mangled, poorly peeled mess. 

You don’t say a word, picking up one of the unpeeled potatoes along with a small kitchen knife, which certainly earns you another glare from Mikasa’s general direction. 

You let the sharpness of the blade do the work, delicately rotating the potato until the peel falls into the bucket in a single piece, not a single bit of the vegetable wasted. 

Sasha’s jaw drops in awe as if you’d just done something miraculous. 

“How did you do that? Show me!” 

It takes a couple tries, but after demonstrating what you’d done, the brunette had taken to mirroring your methods, beaming proudly at how quickly her peeling skills had improved.

In no time at all, Sasha launches into a seemingly endless conversation with you about food, though she’s the one doing the most of the talking, listing every single one of her favorite foods in order, some of which you haven’t even heard of. 

You do your best to nod occasionally or hum, indicating you were still following the conversation which you were…  _ mostly _ .

“I’m not the biggest fan of fruit, which is fine, you know? My heart would break if something was out of season and I couldn’t eat it whenever I wanted.” She rambles, happy as can be, almost like the two of you were already steadfast friends. 

“What about you? What kind of fruit do you like?” She asks. 

You blink, not expecting her to want your input so suddenly. 

It seemed like such an odd question. 

“Apples...or strawberries?” You uncertainly reply, but the brunette seems content as ever despite the lack of confidence in your answer. 

Your mention of apples launches her into her next food related topic, the subject of course being which apple related desert was her particular favorite. 

Apple pie, apple cobbler, apple fritters, apple toffee.

_ Toffee?  _

_ What the fuck was that? _

Your brain attempts to supply you with a mental image of the aforementioned desert, but your mind comes up woefully blank. 

Whatever. 

You don’t have much of a sweet tooth anyway. 

“Oi, give it a rest, will ya?” A voice interjects, cutting Sasha off mid-sentence. “I’m sure she doesn’t want to hear you go on and on about food anymore than the rest of us.” 

You turn towards the direction of the voice and inadvertently lock eyes with the tall blonde across the room, doing your best to convey your gratitude through expression alone.

He seems to get the message, shooting you a playful wink.

“Name’s Jean, by the way. And this little guy here is Connie.” He says, elbowing the shorter male beside him to encourage him to say something.

He grumbles a barely audible hello, but other than that, turns right back to resuming his previous task.

You shrug it off, not the least bit offended. 

It’s not like you expected to win everyone over in a single night. 

Before long, everyone’s collaborative efforts have paid off, and you find yourself seated at the elongated dinner table between Jean and Sasha, the group falling into effortless conversation. 

You on the other hand, are too busy staring at your portion of food, which was more than you usually ate in an entire week, let alone a single sitting. 

It certainly doesn’t help that the moment you look up from your plate, you make the mistake of making eye contact with your Captain, who glares at you and doesn’t look away until you forcibly shove a bite of the roasted chicken into your mouth. 

It tastes heavenly, you’re not going to even try to deny it, and the next bite you take is considerably more enthusiastic than your first. 

“Hey, how about a toast to our new member?” Jean suddenly pipes up, the group falling silent while you practically choke on your current mouthful of food. 

“I appreciate it, Jean… but you really don’t have to do that.” You offer meekly, but it seems the excuse to break out the alcohol is too tempting of an opportunity to resist, and soon, everyone at the table, yourself included, has a mug of beer in their hands. 

“To the new Special Operations Squad!” Jean bellows, earning an enthusiastic holler from the group as you all knock your mugs together in celebration. 

You’ve never tasted a drop of alcohol in your life, but you’ll be damned if you’re going to rebuke the first act of solidarity you’ve received from the group since you arrived; especially considering the fact that even Levi had participated, albeit in his own, grumpy way. 

The other squad members down nearly half their mugs in a single go, while you take a cautiously small sip, having to force yourself to swallow the bitter liquid.

Which in your initial impression, tastes like piss. 

“Not a fan, huh?” Connie asks from across the table, taking notice of your disgruntled expression, and you nod, not having expected him to initiate a conversation with you. 

“How do you guys even drink this stuff? It’s  _ gross _ .” You take one last sniff at the offending liquid, wrinkling your nose in disgust before pushing the mug away from yourself.

The gesture for some reason, earns you the slightest hint of a smile from Connie while Jean laughs heartily at your comment, snatching up your abandoned mug. 

“You sound just like the Captain; says it tastes like piss.” He adds, downing the rest of your beer in a single swig. 

“Oh well, good. Glad there’s at least one thing we agree on.” You murmur sardonically, quietly enough not to reach the ears of your Captain, but loudly enough that Sasha catches it, snickering ever so slightly at your comment. 

You don’t know about the others, even much less so about your Captain, but at least Connie, Jean, and Sasha don’t seem too bad. 

Maybe you stand a chance at fitting in here after all. 


	3. Combat Training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader POV. Some mild descriptions of violence in the chapter.

Still half-asleep, you stagger down the hallway, stifling a yawn as you attempt to properly fasten the buckles on the top half of your harness, doing your best to make yourself look at least somewhat presentable before making your way outside to locate the training field. 

Not only were you by no means a morning person, but you were never good at sleeping in unfamiliar places; that, and coupled with the fact that your new roommate had a tendency to snore, means you’re running on about three or four hours of sleep at best. 

Shoddy as it was, you'd hoped that the cabin would at least have enough rooms that you wouldn’t be forced to share with Sasha, but sadly, it seems that was overly presumptuous of you. 

If it were anyone else, such as Mikasa or Krista, you’d think it was another way for the Captain to keep tabs on you, but Sasha seems capable of sleeping through an earthquake, so you highly doubt that’s the case. 

You manage to locate the training field by yourself, since no one had been forthcoming enough to let you know where it was, which is fine, because as you’ve clearly just proven, you’re perfectly capable of finding it yourself.

You might have resorted to tracking the freshly made boot prints made by your comrades to get yourself there, but to your credit, it should at least earn you points for resourcefulness. 

You move to stand beside Krista, waiting patiently in formation for the last of the group to arrive. 

The last ones end up being Connie and Sasha, who had cut it a bit too close for your liking. 

They fall in line beside you when they could have just as easily chosen to stand on the opposite side of the formation, and the small gesture is certainly not lost on you. 

Captain Levi arrives shortly thereafter, and by the looks of it, was in a piss-poor mood, as per usual. 

He certainly doesn’t have the type of personality that you’d believe him to be an early-riser. 

“Eren, you’ll be with Hange in the lab today.” Levi orders flatly, his voice still laden with the effects of sleep, and you have to bite the inside of your cheek to keep from smirking. 

Definitely not a morning person.

“The rest of you will be practicing your hand-to-hand combat skills.” 

At the Captain's instruction, Eren scrambles off the field to go join this mysterious ‘Hange’ person, and that’s when it suddenly occurs to you. 

Hand-to-hand combat usually meant working in pairs, and with Eren out of the equation, that left the group with an unequal number of individuals to pair off with. 

That is, unless you took the Captain into account. 

You have a sneaking suspicion you know exactly where this situation is headed, and needless to say, you aren’t happy about it. 

“Break off into your assigned pairs and find a place to get started. Mikasa you’ll be with Jean, Connie with Krista, Sasha with Armin,” Levi drawls, sounding almost bored, but you know exactly what he’s doing as he slowly makes his way over to you. 

Intimidating steel-grey eyes lock with your own. 

“ _ You _ , with me.”

_ “Yes, sir.”  _ You reply, tone laced with sarcasm. 

Sasha and Jean cast you sympathetic glances as you follow Levi out onto a designated spot on the field, and as much as you’d like to think you can hold your own, you don’t know how exactly you’ll fare against ‘humanity's strongest’.

Things turn out about as well as you’d expected them to. 

It’s only about an hour in, and you’ve tasted dirt more times than you can count. 

Captain Levi on the other hand, shows absolutely no sign of exertion, despite having spent the better part of an hour throwing you around like a ragdoll. 

You don’t know whether or not to appreciate the fact that he isn’t pulling his punches just because you’re a female, nor do you want him to go easy on you, but goddamn it, was this starting to hurt.

You’re dirty, exhausted, but above all else, you’re  _ pissed _ . 

It’s a good thing you Captain hadn’t laid out any ground rules before starting the exercise, which, in your opinion, should mean anything goes. 

You drag yourself to your feet, wiping some of the blood from your freshly split lip, courtesy of Captain Levi. 

With a half-assed war cry, you run straight for him, fist raised as if you’ve finally given into your rage, acting sheerly out of desperation, when in reality, you’re as level-headed as ever. 

As you’d anticipated, Levi deflects your punch and grabs your wrist, swiftly maneuvering himself behind you and twisting your arm behind your back, which unfortunately for him, is exactly what you were hoping for.

Rather than try to pull yourself free, you press your body back into his chest, smirking as you feel his breathing hitch in response, no doubt wondering what it is you’re up to.

You take a deep breath and set your jaw, steeling yourself for what you’re about to do next.

_ This is gonna hurt, but not nearly as much as it’s gonna hurt you! _

Without warning, you throw your head back with all the force you can muster, and there’s an audible crack of skulls as you effectively reverse skull-bash your Captain. 

Your vision reels, and for a second all you can hear is ringing, but Levi immediately drops his hold on you, followed by a string of curses from the Captain, which is more than enough to make your own pain worth it. 

You turn to admire your handiwork, but Levi is quick to retaliate, landing a solid kick directly to the center of your chest and sending you to the ground. 

You wheeze in pain, the blow having knocked the air straight out of your lungs, but before you stand even the slightest chance of recovering, Levi reaches out and grabs a fistful of your hair, mercilessly shoving your face right back into the dirt. 

**“You’re going to regret that fucking stunt you just pulled.”** He snarls, but from the corner of your peripheral vision, you manage to catch the steady trickle of blood dripping from his nose, and that alone is enough to satisfy you. 

“Stable duty, until I say  _ otherwise _ .” He orders, giving your face one last shove into the dirt before releasing you, storming off of the training grounds. 

Nobody dares move a muscle to help you, but truth be told, you don’t think your pride could handle it if they did. 

You know when to concede defeat, and so, you dust yourself off and begin limping your way towards the stables. 


	4. Old Comforts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A nostalgic memory brings you back to the past, while you try to come to terms with your new life.

Had you known that your little show of defiance would earn you stable duty, you would’ve punched Levi in his egotistical face ages ago. 

Fortunately for you, the Captain couldn’t have chosen your punishment more poorly if he’d tried. 

Not only are you perfectly content with your situation, but you’re absolutely  _ delighted _ at the prospect of having the chance to spend more time around these magnificent creatures. 

Ever since you were little, you’d always been fond of horses, enchanted by their beauty and inherently gentle nature. 

Before the Survey Corps had supplied a roof over your head, you were accustomed to sleeping on the streets, but whenever you could, and especially on colder nights, you used to sneak into one of the city's stables and sleep in the hay bales. 

The horses never seemed to mind your company, nor you theirs, and it was on those rare nights that you felt content, comforted by the notion that they’d alert you to any potential danger while you slept. 

Even now, you can’t help but feel at ease, any lingering tension from this morning quickly forgotten, your mood soothed by the presence of something familiar in your otherwise uprooted life. 

You know better than to get caught slacking off, so you set to work mucking out the stalls, though you can’t help but take a little extra time to greet each one of the horses before moving onto the next. 

Most of them were Andalusians, a breed that combined with its sturdiness and overall reliability, made them a solid choice for military purposes. 

While the other horses are charming in their own right, you can't help but find yourself completely awestruck the moment your gaze lands on the absolutely stunning Friesian occupying the very last stall. 

You have a sneaking suspicion you know exactly who the horse belongs to, and your heart swells with envy. 

“I bet that grumpy bastard doesn’t even appreciate you, huh?” You coo, taking one look at the ebony colored horse and ultimately deciding that karmic intervention would have it’s way yet. 

You spend the better part of the afternoon polishing every last piece of tack until each item looks brand new, which you’d also gone through painstaking lengths to reorganize back into their respective places.

Sasha pops her head around the corner just as you’ve finished, letting out an appreciative whistle as she takes a look around, undoubtedly impressed by your handiwork. 

The look on her face is more than enough to make your efforts feel vindicated, making the fact that you're covered up to your elbows in leather polish, dirt, grime, and god knows what else, slightly more tolerable. 

“Captain Levi told me to come get you for lunch.” She sing-songs, teetering back and forth on her heels, clearly wanting to get back to her meal as quickly as possible.

Your stomach twists at the mere mention of his name, and hungry as you are, you aren’t quite ready to face the Captain just yet. 

“You go ahead, Sasha.” You tell her, digging through the grooming tools to move onto your next task. “I’m not hungry, so I might as well finish up here.”

If the brunette catches onto your little fib, she doesn’t call you on it, shrugging her shoulders in defeat before racing back in the direction she came. 

“Don’t blame me if I eat your portion too.” She calls over her shoulder, nearly tripping over her own feet in the process, and you can’t help but crack a smile at her antics. 

You spend a good twenty minutes brushing out one of the horses undercoats with a metal curry comb, and you’re just about to move onto the next step when a much more unwelcome voice interrupts you. 

“Come  _ eat _ .” Levi huffs, arms crossed over his chest as he leans against the doorway, steel grey eyes looking as unimpressed as ever. “If you actually put some goddamn meat on your bones maybe I wouldn’t be able to toss you around so easily.”

Your mood instantly sours, though you can’t say the backhanded comments really surprise you anymore. 

“As much as I appreciate your concern, Captain," You reply, smiling wryly. "I think we both know I'll never manage to hold my own against Humanity's Strongest." 

The words leave your lips barely above a whisper, and even the Captain seems caught off-guard by the lack of bite to your words, brow raising at your uncharacteristic change in demeanor. 

“There’s room for improvement…but you aren’t half as clueless as Eren was when he first started.” The Captain grumbles, and you hate how desperately your gaze snaps up to meet his, silently praying you hadn’t misheard him. 

“Most people make the mistake of relying solely on their physical strength to win, when in reality, learning to read and predict your opponent's movements and countering accordingly will almost always give you the upper-hand. At least you were able to grasp that concept and were trying to apply it.”

The conversation itself is enough to give you emotional whiplash, but it's probably the closest thing to a compliment the Captain has ever given you, and it’s incredibly unlikely you’ll receive another. 

You don’t really know what to say, so you choose to remain silent and make your way towards him, half expecting him to turn right back around and start making his way back to the castle. 

Much to your chagrin, he doesn’t, using the newfound proximity to let his eyes roam your form, no doubt taking notice of your disheveled appearance. 

“You’re fucking  _ filthy _ ,” He hisses, nose wrinkling in digust. 

You resist the urge to roll your eyes.

“Go take a shower, brat.” He orders, his tone not quite as harsh as you’d come to expect when he typically addressed you. “I’ll save you a plate.”

  
Without sparing you a second glance, Levi stalks off again, leaving you with the absurd notion that maybe, just  _ maybe _ , the Captain wasn’t so bad. 


	5. Morosis

Levi sighs, brows knitted together in frustration at the obscene amount of paperwork still laid out on his desk, the larger portion of which remained incomplete.

It’s unlike him to be so distracted, but for some infuriating reason, his thoughts insist on wandering back to the very same person he doesn’t want to think about. 

_ You. _

He's not so full of himself that he's unwilling to admit when he's been proven wrong, and in the ensuing months since you’d been placed under his supervision, that was exactly what you’d done.

It would have been easier if you had truly turned out to be just another self centered thief, but now, it’s almost impossible not to acknowledge the potential Erwin had seen in you. 

No matter how hard he’d pushed, or how harshly he'd treated you, you’d never let him get under your skin, or undermine your determination to prove your worth. Even if that meant you had a tendency to be infuriatingly stubborn at times. 

Slowly but surely, you’d opened up to your fellow teammates, and before he realized it, you’d already won the unanimous acceptance of the group. 

Rather than the emotionally reserved and stoic persona you’d initially presented with, your true personality had proven to be intensely loyal, charismatic, and dependable in ways Levi never would have anticipated.

He secretly revelled in the rare moments where you allowed your true personality to shine through, smiling at Sasha’s antics, or laughing at one of Jean’s terrible jokes.

Speaking of Kirschetein, the damned fool couldn’t have fallen harder for you if he’d tried, spending the vast majority of his day ogling you like the lovesick fool that he was. 

At least the man had sensible taste in women.

Despite how disconcertingly thin you were at first, joining the Survey Corps had undoubtedly benefited your health, your figure having filled out quite nicely over these past few months.

Even Levi won’t attempt to deny that he’s caught himself letting his eyes roam over your form on more than one occasion. 

It certainly doesn’t help that your 3DM gear manages to hug your figure, accentuating your curves in all of the right places. 

It’s plenty distracting, especially when he’s been helping you improve your hand-to-hand combat on a weekly basis, something which you’d adamantly insisted upon until you’ve managed to win against him.

Thus far you haven’t, though he does commend you for trying. 

He doesn’t doubt that you respect him as a Captain, nor do you seem to hold a grudge against him for his previous misgivings about you. 

Despite this, Levi doesn’t know what to make of the fact that there’s a palpable shift in your demeanor, or that your laughter dies the moment he walks into the room. 

He knows he’s the one at fault, but as far as mending the situation goes, he doesn’t have the slightest clue how to go about it. 

With yet another sigh, he rubs tiredly at his temples, realizing that this was going to nag at him until he actually did something about it.

Standing from his chair, he peers out the window in an attempt to make out the building settled off into the distance. 

Theoretically, you should be at the stables right now. 

He’s known for a while that you secretly enjoy caring for the horses, and even though it was originally intended as a means of punishment, the task makes you so genuinely happy that Levi can’t seem to bring himself to take it away from you.

He’s so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t even realize that his legs have betrayed him until he’s already more than halfway to the stables.

A nearly inaudible sound catches on the breeze, and Levi takes a few strides closer in an attempt to identify it, promptly rooting himself to the spot the moment realizes it’s singing. 

He hasn’t even held a prolonged conversation with you, let alone hear you sing, and even though it feels like a private moment he shouldn’t be infringing upon, he can’t seem to pry himself away.

_ I pray you’ll be our eyes _

_ And watch us where we go _

_ And help us to be wise _

_ In times where we don’t know _

_ Let this be our prayer _

_ When we lose our way _

_ Lead us to a place _

_ Guide us with your grace _

_ To a place where we’ll be safe _

_ I pray we’ll find your light  _

_ And hold it in our hearts _

_ When stars go out each night _

_ Let this be our prayer _

_ When shadows fill our day _

_ Lead us to a place _

_ Guide us with your grace _

_ To a place where will be safe _

_ A world where pain and sorrow will be ended  _

_ And every heart that’s broken will be mended _

_ And we’ll remember we’re all god’s children _

_ Reaching out to touch you, reaching out to the sky _

_ We ask that life be kind  _

_ And watch us from above _

_ We hope each soul will find _

_ Another soul to love _

_ Let this be our prayer _

_ Just like every child _

_ Needs to find a place _

_ Guide us with your grace _

_ Give us faith so we’ll be safe _

An unfamiliar tightness settles in Levi’s chest, but he quickly forces the feeling down and slowly makes his way inside the barn. 

As he enters, he isn’t the least bit surprised to spot you with his own horse, which he notes you have a tendency to favor, despite your adamant denial in a previous conversation with Sasha that you didn’t pick favorites. 

You don't hear him approach, too preoccupied with your task of brushing down the stallion, who in an uncharacteristic act of playfulness, nips at your ponytail, tugging slightly at the long brunette strands. 

You break into a brief peal of laughter in response, a bright smile gracing your features as you throw your arms around his neck, nuzzling affectionately into his mane.

"That hurt, you big goof." 

“That’s odd,” Levi hums, and it’s hard to miss the not-so-subtle way your posture immediately tenses upon hearing his voice.

“He doesn’t usually tend to warm up to other people.” 

His horse, being the magnificently empathetic creature that it is, seems to pick up on your sudden shift in demeanor, bumping it’s muzzle into your shoulder. 

You can't help but smile softly at that, reaching up to pet his snout. 

"Really? I think this guy's a big softie." You reply, hazel-green eyes locking with his own. 

He takes it as a positive sign, and moves to stand beside you despite the limited space in the stall, reaching up to give his trusted steed a pat on the neck in greeting.

"He's probably appreciative; you're the only one who does a decent job around here.” He mutters, his horse letting out a contented nicker, almost as if to agree with him. 

Levi steals a glance at you out of the corner of his eye, and is pleased to see that there’s the faintest hint of a blush dusting your cheeks from the compliment.

“It’s my pleasure, sir.” You reply, and he can tell from the way your jaw is set that there’s something more you want to say. 

“What is it?” He presses, trying to keep his tone gentle enough not to sound like an order.

You step away from his horse, putting as much space between you as the close quarters of the stall will allow as you slip past him, gesturing for him to follow as you lead him down the row of stalls, stopping at the dark brown mare belonging to Connie.

“She’s been showing signs of colic since this morning.” You inform him solemnly, worrying at your bottom lip in evident concern. 

Levi on the other hand, doesn’t find any outward signs of illness, but his knowledge of horses is somewhat limited, so if you claim the horse is sick, then he trusts your judgment. 

“There’s a merchant in town, an old acquaintance of mine. She might have something that can help...” You trail off and look away, clearly anticipating your request to have crossed a line.

Going into town was strictly off-limits without express permission and an escort from a superior officer.

Fortunately for you, he’s willing to make an exception.

“Let’s go, then.” He states calmly, watching as your gaze snaps back up to meet his, hazel eyes bright, and infinitely more hopeful than they were mere seconds ago. 

It’s not much, but he's willing to interpret it as a step in the right direction. 


	6. The Bitter Truth

You’ve just barely stepped foot into the outskirts of town, and Levi is beyond irritated to find that the both of you have landed yourselves in the middle of the preparations for the upcoming autumnal festival.

The market is consequently packed as a result, and you look about as equally thrilled about having to make your way through the sea of people as he does. 

Under ordinary circumstances, civilians would usually take one look at the military insignia on their cloaks and keep a respectable distance, but apparently everyone had their heads too far up their own asses to notice.

Fortunately, whatever intimidation he lacks in terms of physical stature, he makes up for by sheer presence alone, and an icy stare is more than enough to persuade others to keep their distance. 

You try to stay close, but weaving through the crowds is proving to be even more tedious that he’d anticipated, and at this rate, it will be a miracle if you didn’t wind up getting separated from one other.

_ “Oi, brat.”  _ Without any further warning on his part, Levi reaches behind him and seizes hold of your wrist, tugging you closer so that you’re standing beside him where he can keep a better eye on you. 

“Keep up. I'm not gonna come looking for you when you get yourself lost.” He snaps, the words coming out much harsher than he’d intended them to.

_Great,_ _the crowds had put him in a shitty mood, and now he was taking his frustration out on you._

He tries to read your face, but you aren’t giving anything away, your expression cautiously neutral as you stare at his hold on your wrist.

He's painfully aware that his words and his actions were becoming two painfully different things, but he's not quite sure how to repair the situation.

So he does the only thing he can think of.

He reaches out and affectionately pats your head, gently smoothing some of the windswept strands of hair back into place. 

“Captain?” You query, the confusion evident in your voice, but you don’t shy away or otherwise recoil from the contact. 

It might be wishful thinking on his part, but for a brief moment it almost feels like you’d leaned into his touch, if not ever so slightly.

You search his face, hoping to find the reason for his uncharacteristic behavior, but he makes certain his expression is as impassive as ever, despite the fact that all he can think about right now is just how green your eyes are in the sunlight. 

In the evening, and especially under the influence of candlelight, he’d always thought that your eyes had a tendency to look more like pools of amber, or liquid gold.

But right now, with your face mere centimeters away from his own, your eyes had taken on a captivating hue of viridian, with only the smallest flecks of gold in them. 

“Sir, is there something on my face?” You ask, tipping your head at him in question in a way that’s quite frankly adorable. 

Levi clears his throat and looks away, realizing he’d been caught staring longer than necessary. 

“Your eyes...” He mutters, coughing into his hand in an attempt to disguise the heat rising to his cheeks. “They’re greener than usual; it looks nice.” 

It’s a shit compliment, he knows it is, but you could seem to care less, and for the first time since he’s known you, you finally smile at him. 

“Really?” You laugh breathlessly, and Levi feels his heart flutter in his chest at your next words. “I’m partial to your eye color myself.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere, cadet.” He teases, tousling your hair before turning away, releasing your wrist just long enough to slip his hand into yours properly, interlacing his fingers within your own. 

You both resume walking, and Levi is content to bask in the companionable silence that’s settled between you while he can, well aware of the frailty of the moment, and that a single mistake on his part could easily set things right back to the way that they were. 

You come to an abrupt stop, insistently pulling him over to a nearby booth, and Levi takes it as an indication that you’ve arrived at your destination. 

The shopkeep is just wrapping up a transaction with another customer, and the first thing he notices, much to his irritation, is that the woman is quite a bit taller than he is. 

If he had to guess, he’d estimate her to be in her early to mid-thirties, and in his opinion, she was quite pretty, with tawny skin and olive eyes, and a warm smile to match. Her dark brown hair was neatly braided over one shoulder, and she was wearing a dress that complimented her eye color. 

Overall, she exuded a sort of warm aura about her, and Levi can’t bring himself to dislike her. 

She finishes bidding the gentleman farewell, and quickly turns her attention over to them. 

“Sorry to keep you waiting, what can I-” The rest of her sentence dies on her tongue the moment her eyes land on you, and for reasons unbeknownst to him, the woman’s eyes immediately begin to well with tears.

“Ren?” She calls, her voice thick with emotion. 

“Renfri, is that really you?” She repeats hopefully, and Levi looks down at you to find your own eyes welling with tears. 

“Yeah, it’s me. Long time no see, Angela.” You reply, and Levi is barely able to release your hand and step away in time, the shopkeep having quite literally vaulted herself over the counter in her haste to get to you. 

The moment her feet hit the ground, she immediately throws her arms around you, hugging you as tightly to her chest as she possibly can, weeping openly. 

You do the same, eagerly wrapping your arms around her waist before burying your face into her shoulder. 

You attempt to muffle a sob into her chest, and even though he has no fucking clue what’s going on, his heart still wrenches at the sound. 

Angela shushes you, rubbing soothing circles over your back until you settle. 

“Okay, that’s enough waterworks for today.” The taller woman declares, pulling away to wipe her tears with the back of her apron. “Let me get a proper look at you.”

You take a step back, and she takes a moment to regard your appearance, clad in full military uniform before eventually nodding in approval.

“Never thought I’d see the day, but I gotta say, the uniform suits you.” She smiles, her gaze suddenly shifting over your shoulder to look at Levi, making the correlation fairly quickly given the fact that he’s also in uniform.

“And who might you be?” She asks, casually draping her arm over your shoulder in a way that’s clearly meant to be interpreted as a challenge. 

“This is Captain Levi, Lance Corporal of the Special Operations Squad.” You introduce, looking profusely apologetic for momentarily having forgotten his presence. “He’s also my superior officer, so please don’t say anything rude.” 

You murmur the last part under your breath, but Levi overhears it nonetheless, biting the inside of his cheek to keep himself from smirking in amusement. 

Angela scoffs, feigning offense that you would even suggest such a thing, but based on the devious twinkle in her eye, you might actually have fair reason to be worried.

The two of you had an interesting dynamic, that was for sure. 

“Hmm, well that’s kind of boring.” She hums, twirling her braid around her finger. “Was kind of hoping he was your boyfriend or something.”

Levi glances at you, curious to see how you'll respond, but you seem too mortified to do much of anything. 

He decides to take pity on you and promptly redirects the conversation back to the task at hand. 

“Another squad member's horse has colic. Do you have something that can fix it?” He asks calmly. 

“Sure do.” Angela gives your shoulders one last squeeze before making her way back around the corner, collecting various herbs and plants scattered about the space. “It’s not as effective if I make it ahead of time, give me about ten minutes and I’ll have it ready.”

“I’ll help,” You chime in. 

“I was hoping you’d say that.” She grins, wiping her hands off on her apron before handing you a key from her pocket. “Mind running inside the house for me and grabbing some valerian root?”

You glance at Levi for affirmation, since technically you aren’t allowed to be without supervision, but he nods in permission and sends you off.

He makes sure you’re well out of range of earshot before he turns his attention back towards Angela. 

“Well?” He asks, steel eyes narrowed at her in suspicion. “You sent her away deliberately because you either wanted to tell me something, or ask me something. So, which is it?”

The woman doesn’t seem the least bit phased that he’d seen right through her tactics, chuckling softly as she pauses at her task.

“Saw through that did you?” She replies, deliberately locking eyes with him, her facial expression suddenly becoming much more serious. “ As her commanding officer, I take it you’ve read the report of the events leading to her arrest?”

“I have.” 

“I’m guessing the military police didn’t mention what she was attempting to steal when they’d apprehended her, then?” 

“No.” Levi replies flatly. 

He had a bad feeling that wherever this conversation was headed, he wasn’t going to like it.

“My daughter was born with underdeveloped lungs, and it made her prone to getting sick more easily...” Angela begins, her gaze shifting to the counter, unable to look him in the eye anymore. “She came down with pneumonia, and we were told she didn’t have any chance of surviving without medication, but my husband and I couldn’t afford it-”

The shopkeep is so overridden by grief, that she can’t seem to bring herself to finish her sentence, but Levi doesn’t need her to in order to connect the dots.

“You couldn’t afford it, so Renfri tried to steal the medication in order to save her.” He concludes.

Of course those fucking pricks hadn’t put any of this in the official report. If they had, it would have undoubtedly earned you the sympathy of the court, and in turn, a significantly lesser sentence.

“Your daughter never received the medication, did she?” 

Fresh tears fall from Angela’s eyes, and Levi begins to fill with rage as the suddenly fragile looking woman slowly shakes her head. 

If there's one thing he'll make sure of, it's that if those pathetic bastards are ever unlucky enough to cross paths with him, he’s going to kick their fucking faces in. 


	7. Enigma

You couldn’t have been gone for more than ten minutes at the most, but you’d have to be oblivious not to pick up on the sudden shift in atmosphere as you make your way back to the Captain’s side. 

It’s impossible to know exactly what had transpired between the pair in the brief amount of time that you were gone, but if you had to speculate a guess, you’d surmise that the conversation had taken an unexpectedly grimm turn in your absence. 

“Why the long faces?” You inquire casually, directing a knowing stare at Angela as you hand her the valerian root. 

It's quite obvious based on the drying tear tracks on her cheeks that she’d recently been crying again. 

Retrieving your handkerchief from your breast pocket you gently begin to wipe them away, and as you’d come to expect from the many years that you’ve known her, she doesn’t take kindly to the doting gesture, quickly shooing you away to resume her task.

“I was just telling your Captain about the time I got so drunk that I fell into the canal and you jumped in to save me, despite not knowing how to swim.” Angela shoots you a cheeky grin, and you glower at her as you're forced to recall the unpleasant memory. 

“Some bystanders eventually spotted us, and had to come pull our sorry asses out of the water." 

_ "Hilarious. _ " You reply sardonically, deciding not to press the issue further, even though you know she’s intentionally attempting to distract from the truth.

“Alright, it’s all set.” Angela chimes, placing the neatly packaged herbs into your awaiting hands. “Mix this powder into a small amount of water and withhold feed until morning. It will be crucial that you get the gut moving again, so try to walk her around as much as possible.” 

“I appreciate it.” You reply, reaching for your wallet, but Levi is quicker, placing an amount of currency on the counter that you’re certain is well beyond the cost of such a simple remedy. 

Levi nods in appreciation before turning his attention back towards you, steel grey eyes locking with your own.

“It’s time to get going.” He informs, placing a hand on your shoulder and giving it a reassuring squeeze before moving past. “I’ll give you a moment to say goodbye to your friend.”

Levi makes his way to the opposite side of the street, leaning casually up against a lamppost, allowing you to exchange your farewells in privacy, and you realize not for the first time today, that you’ve definitely misjudged him. 

“I like him,” Angela whispers, interrupting your thoughts by pulling you in for a hug. “Not the tallest, but I think you’d be cute together.” 

“Everyone’s short to you.” You remind her, hugging your companion back tightly, not knowing when or if you’ll get a chance to see her again. “Take care of yourself, Angie.”

“Come visit again, yeah?” She replies, placing a chaste kiss to your temple. 

You give her one last squeeze before releasing her, managing a small wave as you make your way across the street.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, Captain." You tell him, but he dismisses your apology, saying there was no need, and begins walking down the street. 

The sky is starting to look a little foreboding, and you note that the crowds are starting to disperse in an effort to find shelter before the rain begins.

The market is no longer crowded enough to warrant the excuse of holding the Captain’s hand, but you find yourself wanting to do so all the same.

You decide it can't hurt to try, tentatively reaching out and letting your fingertips brush over his knuckles.

He seems to understand your intentions, and without any hesitation on his part, calmly reaches over and takes your hand, interlacing your fingers within his own just as he'd done before.

Stealing a glance up at his face, you can tell by the way that his jaw is set and his brows are furrowed that he’s still bothered by something, and unfortunately, you can hazard a guess at what that something might be.

"She told you didn't she?" You murmur quietly. "What I was stealing when the Military Police apprehended me." 

Levi nods, but otherwise remains silent, and as much as you don’t want to dredge up the past, you know that you at least owe him somewhat of an explanation. 

"I've been on my own for as long as I can remember, and the only person I ever cared about was myself. I lived my life by selfishly taking from others, and I never once felt guilty about it." 

It starts to drizzle, but neither of you seem to pay it any mind, Levi giving your hand a light squeeze, encouraging you to continue. 

"Later on, I met Angela and her daughter, and they became the closest thing I’ve ever had to family. Trying to steal that medicine was probably the first halfway decent thing I’ve ever done, and because of my failure, she died anyway." 

The Captain doesn’t interrupt, continuing to listen as you recount the events that had ultimately landed you under his command, calloused fingers gently rubbing over your knuckles in a soothing gesture. 

You never imagined such a thing would happen, but here you were, walking hand in hand down the street, being comforted by the very same man who'd also once callously disregarded you.

Little did you know, the Captain was thinking along the same lines, casting his gaze towards the gloomy sky as the rain continues to fall. 

You can't help but admire his profile, starting with the way his ebony colored bangs were starting to cling to his forehead, to his equally dark lashes that only seem to make his slate grey eyes stand out that much more, all the way to his sharply defined cheekbones and jawline. 

You watch as a raindrop lands directly beneath his right eye, cascading down his cheek, following the contour of his jawline and down his Adam's apple before finally disappearing into the collar of his shirt. 

If not for your shameless ogling, you might not have noticed that the Captain looks oddly at war with himself, almost as if he wanted to say something, but wasn’t quite sure how to phrase it. 

"Captain Levi?" You call hesitantly, mindful that it isn't your place to pry, nor would you, if he wasn’t ready to share his thoughts. 

"If I ever cross paths with those fucking bastards, I'll beat their sorry faces in until they regret the day that they were born." He snarls, glaring at the empty road ahead of him.

"Then I realize just how much of a hypocrite that would make me, and it makes me sick. Having also grown up in the Underground, I should have understood that you were just trying to survive. But instead of giving you a chance, I made the determination that you couldn't be trusted, and mistreated you right from the start.”

You realize that in his own way, the Captain is trying to apologize and make amends for his behavior, and honestly, you aren’t quite sure how to respond.

While it may be true that he’d treated you a bit harshly at times, not once had he done so without the intention of making you a better soldier. 

"I don't resent you for it." You state slowly, trying your best to convey your feelings and put them into words. "It’s true that I initially thought you were being condescending considering we both came from similar backgrounds. But that only made me even more determined to prove you wrong, and without that force driving me, I wouldn’t have had any reason to keep going.” 

You glance in one of the windows of a nearby inn where a handful of civilians had taken shelter in an effort to wait out the rain, and even now, all you can make out is their judgmental stares.

"I could care less about some stupid creed, much less the idea of giving my life for the sake of protecting humanity, when all they've done is look down on me. The members of the squad are precious to me, so for that reason, I’ll gladly slay any number of titans or lay down my life if that’s what it takes.” 

“You don’t respect our creed, huh?” Levi chuckles. “Pretty ballsy of you to come right out and say something like that to your commanding officer.” 

You can’t help but grin back at him. 

“Wouldn’t be the first time my mouth got me into trouble,” You state coyly. “And I’m pretty sure it won’t be the last.”

Levi’s eyes narrow as he regards you, and there’s a glint of something predatory swirling in those stormy colored orbs, the mood of the conversation instantly shifting from playful to something far more risky. 

The look alone is enough to send an involuntary shiver down your spine, and there’s something undeniably tempting about teetering so close to the proverbial edge, that you can’t help but want to push things just a little bit further.

You reach out, gently combing the strands of hair clinging to his face away from his forehead, tucking them in place behind his ear.

Levi’s expression is unreadable as he seizes hold of your wrist, forcibly prying your hand away from his face. 

“We shouldn’t do this.” He warns, the strain in his tone betraying his evident confliction. 

You can feel his resolve wearing thin, his hold on your wrist loosening to an almost imperceptible degree, and you seize the opportunity to shake him off, grabbing him by his cravat and pulling him down so his face is level with your own. 

“Like I care.” You say, and without warning, press your lips to his. 

His resolve immediately crumbles, one arm winding around your waist to pull you closer, while the other tangles into your hair, adjusting the angle in order to kiss you properly. 

You respond by wrapping your arms around his neck, fingers trailing over his undercut before threading into the dark ebony strands. 

You tug slightly at the roots, and Levi growls into your mouth, fingers digging painfully into your hip in warning. But you're the one who initiated this, and you're well aware you might never get a chance like this again.

Now isn't the time to be feeling skittish.

Seizing his bottom lip between your teeth, you give it a playful nip before pulling away, tongue flicking out to trace soothingly over the newly abused flesh.

Levi doesn’t let you dominate the kiss for very long, abandoning his hold on your waist in favor of grabbing a handful of your ass, using your startled gasp as an opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. 

The two of you stay like that for a while, tongues battling for dominance before you're inevitably forced to part for air.

The both of your separate, your pulse racing as you try to soothe the burning ache in your lungs, neither of you saying a word as you finish the last of the trek back to the stables.


	8. Interlude

It's starting to get late, and you still have a lot of work to do, with very little remaining daylight to do it with. 

Not only was it crucial that you see to Connie’s mare as quickly as possible, but you also need to be sure to tend to both of your own horses as well.

Failing to appropriately dry and brush them out would only result in risking the health of two more of the horses, which is a risk you aren’t willing to take. 

The same could be said for the both of you, and you insist that the Captain head inside to get cleaned up, assuring him that you could easily see to these tasks yourself, refusing to take no for an answer.

You watch him go, relieved that you won't have to worry about him falling ill on your account, but it’s hard to ignore the sinking feeling in your gut at his parting words. 

''Even though you might be prepared to give your life in order to save a fellow comrade, keep in mind that they're the ones who will have to shoulder the guilt of having lived at the cost of sacrificing another person's life." 

Your heart aches a little, knowing he’s speaking from personal experience and not just at random. 

Contrary to whatever he might think, you aren't nearly as clueless as he presumes you to be. 

Rumors had a tendency to spread quickly in the Underground, and it was common knowledge that every time the Survey Corps returned from beyond the walls, they did so with considerably less soldiers than they'd originally left with. 

That, combined with the fact that you're the newest member of the recently reformed Special Operations Squad, has led you to speculate the rather foreboding status of its former members.

Commander Erwin had confirmed your suspicions from the start, describing in grave detail how the 57th expedition had resulted in the deaths of Levi’s former comrades: Oluo, Eld, Gunther, and Petra. 

Callous of you as it might be, death is just another harsh reality of this world, and you won’t pretend to grieve the loss of a handful of strangers whom you’ve never even met. 

That being said, you can scarcely imagine losing one of your comrades, let alone comprehend the guilt of having issued the order that ultimately resulted in their deaths.

As Captain, Levi carried the weight of that decision, along with countless others on his shoulders, and beneath his stoic exterior, was a human being who felt guilt and loss just like everyone else. 

It's still unknown whether or not you'll actually be capable of slaying titans, but at the very least, you can ease that burden by keeping yourself, and your comrades alive. 

You're so caught up in your own thoughts that you've forgotten to remain cognisant of your surroundings. So much so, that you hardly notice that there's only a sliver of daylight left, barely managing to get a lantern lit before the sun dips below the horizon, nearly plummeting you into darkness. 

If you thought your efforts were tedious before, they'd be doubly so now, but at least you'd already gotten the other horses settled in for the night, now fed and content in the respective stalls.

You'd given the remedy to the mare over an hour ago, walking her slowly around her pen, just as you'd been instructed, but despite your efforts, she was showing no signs of improvement. And to top it all off, the mare kept trying to lay down, which wasn’t exactly a reassuring sign. 

It isn't easy to keep a several thousand pound animal on its feet against its will, and you're starting to feel like you're fighting a losing battle. 

Not only do you feel cold, hungry, and defeated, but you’re starting to feel the physical toll of your efforts as well. 

Within minutes, she’s down again, and no matter how desperately you try and coax her, the mare refuses to get back on her feet, forcing you to resign yourself to the fact that you’ve done all that you can, and there’s nothing more you can do for her.

If death was going to take her, then so be it, but you haven’t abandoned her thus far, and you sure as hell aren’t going to do so now. 

Using an old trick from your past, you find an empty wheelbarrow and proceed to line it with a generous amount of hay, removing your cloak before climbing in, using the material to act as a blanket. 

It's something you've done many times before, and honestly, the lumpy cots in the barracks weren't much better in comparison. 

Your eyelids start to feel heavy, the exertion of tonight's efforts starting to creep up on you, and you figure there's no harm in resting your eyes for a bit.

"Oi, brat. Wake up."

A familiar voice startles you, and you jolt awake, bleary-eyes struggling to make sense of your surroundings, not recalling having fallen asleep in the first place. 

The first thing you notice is that it’s morning, meaning you’d unintentionally spent the entire night in the stables. You start to sit up, and the moment you do, you're met with an intense throbbing in your skull.

Horrid as you feel, nothing can hinder your unbridled elation as you catch sight of the mare, who is not only on her feet, but looking much better than the last time you’d laid eyes on her. 

You resist the urge to rush over and verify her improvement for yourself, acutely aware of the fact that your Captain is currently glowering down at you, arms crossed over his chest, patiently awaiting an explanation. 

"Braus came and informed me this morning that you never returned to your quarters last night." Levi summarizes icily, watching with narrowed eyes as you climb out of the wheelbarrow, staggering slightly as you do so. 

"Don't tell me you spent the entire night out here, cadet." He adds, suspicion evident in his tone as you struggle to gather your bearings. 

If you weren't dizzy, you might have tried to come up with a sensible excuse, but it’s taking all of your willpower just to remain upright and not hurl on his shoes, so you settle for a meek nod instead.

"I didn't think she was going to make it, sir. I didn't want her to be alone." You add, voice coming out hoarse and scratchy, and you wince at the unexpected soreness in your throat.

It would seem that not only had you unintentionally disobeyed the Captain’s orders by failing to return to the barracks by curfew, but you seem to have inadvertently fallen ill as a consequence.

"She has your persistence to thank for it." Levi credits you, reaching out to affectionately pat the horse’s neck, earning a contended nicker from the mare in response. 

You’re immensely grateful that his attention is directed elsewhere, giving you time to suppress the blush that had crept across your cheeks at the compliment. 

You feel like a foolish, hormone-ridden teenager, getting so worked up over something as simple as being spared a few words of praise. 

"It's almost time for breakfast; head back to the barracks and get cleaned up." Levi instructs, and you nod and do exactly that, eager to make yourself scarce before the Captain catches on that you’re unwell. 

It’s quite the rare occurrence to have the showers all to yourself, so you take full advantage of the opportunity, taking your time to be extra diligent with scrubbing yourself clean, shampooing your hair twice for good measure. 

As much as you enjoy spending time with the horses, you have no desire to walk around smelling like one. As an added bonus of your diligence, the steam seems to have eased the rather persistent throbbing in your skull, making your headache at least somewhat bearable. 

You change into a fresh uniform and pull on your 3DM harness before deciding to take things a step further, brushing out your hair and styling it into a neat French plait.

By the time you head to the mess hall, you do so looking far more put-together than you ever have, which you hope will distract away from how miserable you actually feel.

As one of the last persons to arrive, your food selection is limited to whatever items are left, not that you have much of an appetite anyway, absently plopping some random items on your plate before joining the rest of your Squad. 

You take your usual seat between Connie and Sasha, and you feel a pang of guilt at the look of utter relief that washes over the brunette’s face at the sight of you. It’s enough to ruin what little appetite you might have had, sliding your plate over to her as a way of apology. 

She doesn’t hesitate to dive right in, scarfing it down like a starved animal, despite having already eaten her own portion, and you don't know whether to be horrified or impressed by her ability to pack away food. 

"So you gonna tell me where you were last night?” She asks, ignoring the blatant look of distaste you shoot her for speaking with her mouth full. “You had me really worried." 

"I'm sorry, Sasha." You state sincerely.

As one of your best friends, you feel terrible about the prospect of lying to her, but you definitely needed to sort out your thoughts before divulging anything.

You’d been so preoccupied with Connie's mare that you hadn't stopped to process yesterday's events, nor the potential repercussions of your impulsive actions.

Realistically, you know better than to make baseless assumptions over something as simple as a single kiss.

One thing you do know, is that relations with a superior officer was clearly against the rules, and the last thing you'd ever want to do is jeopardize Levi's reputation. 

If the Captain wanted to carry on as if nothing had happened between the two of you, then you would respect that decision wholeheartedly.

You owed him that much, at least.

You glance in the direction of the Captain’s table to find he's wearing his usual unimpressed scowl, clearly wanting no part in the animated discussion currently taking place between Squad Leader Hange and Mike. 

The former had called Eren over to their table some time ago, which was nothing out of the ordinary, aside from the rather bizarre way Eren's gaze keeps darting nervously back and forth between you and the eccentric brunette.

It would seem you won't have to wait very long to figure out the reason for his odd behavior, because Levi quickly catches you glancing in their direction, and waves you over. 

You obediently move to stand beside Eren, and you can practically feel the anxiety radiating off of him at the proximity. 

Mikasa, Eren, and Armin were like younger siblings to you, and you won't deny that you feel especially protective of Eren, who tended to forget to filter his emotions. 

"Squad Leader Hange, Squad Leader Mike, Commander Erwin, Captain Levi." You greet, being sure to greet each of your superior officers in turn, saluting respectfully as you do so.

Erwin looks especially pleased, not having had many chances to interact with you since he'd first assigned you the Survey Corps, and quite literally left you at their door. 

"Renfri! I can't express how much it pleases me to see you looking every bit the exemplary soldier.” He praises, flashing you a toothy smile. 

"According to Levi, you've shown remarkable progress in your brief amount of time here. Keep it up, and I'm sure you'll prove to be a valuable asset to the Survey Corps."

“Thank you, sir.” You respond politely. “But I’m afraid your credit is misplaced. If I prove useful in the days to come, it will be solely due to the skills the Captain instilled in me.”

The sentence had sounded much more articulate in your head, but it would seem at least one person had understood what you were trying to say, because the next thing you know, Hange has launched herself at you, pulling you into a hug with a surprising amount of force.

“A very humble response, I must say.” She exclaims, proceeding to squeeze you even tighter. “With an attitude like that, I bet you’ll help us with today’s titan experiment!” 

“T-titan… experiment?” You wheeze, struggling desperately to escape from her vice-like embrace before she squeezes the literal life out of you. 

“Oi, Hange.” Levi warns, and the brunette immediately releases you, looking at least somewhat embarrassed for nearly choking you out.

“Sorry, sorry, got a little carried away there,” She chuckles, offering you a sheepish grin which you don’t return, warily retreating back to Eren’s side. 

To her credit, the self-proclaimed titan researcher doesn’t look the least bit dissuaded, carrying right on with the details for her latest experiment.

“From what I understand, you were living in the Underground when the titans breached the wall and attacked the city, meaning that you’ve yet to experience a titan firsthand, correct?”

You nod.

“It would be beneficial to my research if I could gain a general understanding of the physiological effects an individual might suffer during their initial encounter with a titan."

"In other words…" You pause, suddenly understanding why Eren had been acting so nervous. "You want me to watch Eren turn into a titan and observe my reaction?" 

"You got it! But consider this as more of a friendly request than an order; if you don't feel comfortable, I won't force you."

“No,” You tell her, gaze flickering briefly over to Levi. “Let’s do it.”

**Author's Note:**

> https://itgetsweirderfromhere.tumblr.com/post/638237463777837056 - this fic will contain a set physical description for the Reader, and will not use self -insert descriptors such as Y/N, H/C, E/C, so don't read if that's not your thing. Follow the link to see what the character looks like.


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